Settle for someone in the ballpark instead and when you each allow the other’s influence and dare to be flexible you just might become each other’s number one. Who wants to be chosen just because they’re slim? Don’t think of online dating like shopping: the perfect person is not out there. This attitude may make you appear as though you are searching for a commodity to use rather than a person to relate to. It sounds like you are referring to weight. Could a resigned pessimism, with a side order of bitterness, be leaking out of you? When we’ve been hurt, we build up defences but if we do that, no one can get in. You’ve noticed it in some of the women in your social group – the ones who say, “Done that and got the T-shirt” – which got me wondering whether you are wearing one of those metaphorical T-shirts, too. And that is, lack of success can cause bitterness and resentment to build up. But your email has alerted me to something I may have been missing. I’ve been saying: make yourself vulnerable dare to share your feelings first be who you really are rather than who you think you ought to be and if someone doesn’t like you, that’s about them, don’t take it too personally. Like you they are well-meaning and proactive about meeting people. Philippa’s answer I probably get more emails on this topic than any other. ![]() ![]() Should I resign myself to being alone for the rest of my days? Or should I keep trying and hoping to meet someone special, knowing that repeatedly failing is damaging to my self-esteem and my mental health? I have thoroughly disproved the saying “ There’s someone for everyone.” There obviously isn’t. We only ever hugged, but this reminded me what is absent from my cold life. I’ve recently dated someone who talked long-term only to end it abruptly without giving a reason.
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